Have you ever wondered what it feels like having cancer?
It actually feels lonely, lonely and often isolated
Your life has paused and your dreams are distant
Your friends often avoid you. Social Media turns antisocial
Invitations stop. text messages dry up. Your phone falls silent
Silent, just as cancer has grown inside you
Cast your mind back like the rod of a hopeful angler
To the beginning when you announced your news
The mass of support andsomany people’s views
Have you ever wondered what it feels like having cancer?
The adverts advise the statistics, fact and figures
Age does not matter, whether you work, or have a family or not
Oncology, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, lymph nodes are your new buzz words
Your diary is now filled with dates of the seemingly endless 'cycles' planned
A new chapter begins and with its pages unclear
The side effects hit you, and who you thought was you, slowly disappears
Struck down by fatigue, no appetite or taste
You sleep when you can, days turn into night
Monday soon becomes Friday, week 1 completes
Poor memory, frustration and poison in your veins, so bleak
Losing hair, eyebrows and eyelashes - in effect losing ‘you’
Who is the reflection that you see, can it be true
Is this the sign of no identity, who am I?
Who is this person looking back sadly at me
Tearful eyes, expressionless and solemn you see
You stick to your comfort zone, safe places to hideout
You attend appointments, clinics and blood tests you ride out
Cycles come and go, you know you’ll feel sickened
You soon get an idea that this cancer shit is wicked
Meeting friends can be worthwhile, a coffee, a smile
Its the walking away, avoiding eye contact that riles
Are people so ignorant that they can’t reach out
The truth is they dont know how to and dont even try.
Who is this reflection before me looking back
Yes the person who has a different appearance each time
No signs of pain, No tearful stare, expressionless face with hardly a hair
This person is me, my friend, we’ll get along just fine
This poem is dedicated to everyone who has been unfortunate enough to suffer from any form of cancer, not just breast cancer.
(C) LLEWELLYN-MCKENZIE COMMUNICATIONS 2019
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